Dating asian women advice
Once I trust someone, I open up about my background and life as a Chinese-American woman.
I want them to understand how it has shaped every aspect of who I am, but also doesn’t define me or reduce me to anything less than a full person.
Flash forward a few months and I’m on another first date with another white guy. He tells me he likes my tattoos and asks how my parents feel about them.
If someone messages me, “Hi, I think Asians girls are hot,” I almost immediately block them. While not all white guys I’ve dated — and I’ve only entered serious relationships with white guys — are like that, I’ve fallen prey to a few short-term relationships with these types.
It’s taken years for me to unlearn internalized racism, which at one point, made me hate myself for being Chinese.
Now, it’s an integral part of my identity that I wear on my sleeve.
They all managed to white-splain Chinese or Asian culture, whether in the form of travel stories, pop culture, anime, or tales of the Asian communities they immerse themselves in while simultaneously putting me on a pedestal for, well, just being Asian. I only got into them because I was not fully aware, at first, that I was being fetishized.
Perhaps these men are looking for an Asian woman who fits the stereotype of being submissive and quiet, but I am hardly that.
The Short Version: Busy professionals often don’t have the time or inclination to scour the bar scene in hopes of finding a date.
And don't ask me what that sign says because I probably don't know. But I most likely know how to speak a language other than English. How else are we supposed to talk about other people in public? My parents programmed every second of my life before it was cool for parents to do that. In fact, they'll probably continue trying to set me up with their friends' sons. They might not think you're husband material (yet), but they will like you more if you eat. Actually, just be willing to eat everything when you're around me.
I yawned my way through weeknights with a tutor or at a prep program, and I spent my Saturdays at Korean school hating life while learning how to be a better Korean. "You're not married to this so-called boyfriend of yours yet — what's the big deal?
Pro-tip: Refill everyone else's cup before your own, going from oldest to youngest. Prepare for a lifetime of finding knots of long black hairs in the shower drain, in the vacuum cleaner, on the carpet, everywhere, all the time.
So I'm neurotic about some aspect of that, whether it's my weight or the particular paleness of my skin or my big feet or what have you.